Saturday, February 4, 2006

Living, learning, laughing...

  GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing up is mandatory;growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
    

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . having friends.
At age 80 success is . not peeing in your pants.
                         

I had to lighten things up a bit.  Don't like the funk.    Don't like censoring myself to appease some spineless lurkers here.  You know who you are.   

Grow a backbone and some balls.... then come talk to me, cowards  :)  

Cat

11 comments:

dying4happiness said...

Okay, these were all great, but where the fuck are the pictures?  I just see big empty boxes!

perkysgrl said...

I agree with Nae... these are awesome!!

Thanks for sharing ;)

Hugs,
~Jenn~

onecrazymomto5 said...

LOL so true and so funny!!

OK I am spineless you caught me BUT I am not a lurker!!!  
Hugs,
Colleen

stupidsheetguy said...

LOL   these were really funny. I spent some time going over that one batch from the growing older part...those could be parallel to "Things Learned By Stupids"


Thanks for the laughs!

Jimmy

otto9613944 said...

kitty kitty, the last couple of entries have been so cool. sorry i don't comment enough, i am one lazy ass. it is amazing that i even remember to brethe. is that spelled right???? it looks wrong.

have a great weekend, smile.....

dave

randlprysock said...

I'm laughing about nailing jello to a tree!!  Yep.  These were great Cat and thanks for sharing!!  HUgs,
Lisa

gaboatman said...

Cat
This is a great entry no matter WHAT the reason was that you wrote it.  I enjoyed the humor very much.  You know you never have to censor anything from me.  Hopefully the "spineless lurkers" that you reffer to will take the hint and scram.  I've always liked the tune you're now playing, "At Last."  This is a great rendition.
Sam

quartrlyfecrysis said...

never hold a cat and a dust buster at the same time!

the funk sucks...trying to break the funk is almost painful for me.

:)  thanks for the laugh~
~*xoxoxo*~
 ~Bernie

redbaranjj said...

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.  Now that's the truth!!  LOL
And the never hold a cat and the dustbuster...lol...yep, Josh had to learn that one too the hard way...lol.  
Great entry Cat...I think we all needed a laugh!

*hugs*

mrccgoody said...

these were so funny... my aunt is entering her 'cereal for fiber' stage and we've had a lot of fun with her on that, until she pointed out that i'm not that far behind her...:)
-Michelle

zosche973 said...

These are so funny, and true! Diane frm Jersey here-I'm new to your journal,
and placed you on my alerts! ~Diane~ http://journals.aol.com/dizarra/StorysFromtheCityTalesFromtheSea