Monday, November 7, 2005

Comfortably numb...

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, now.
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts,
Can you show me where it hurts?

Kitty's been on a Pink Floyd kick lately. 

Sometimes, you just have to go there and take yourself into consideration, reflect on those daunting deeds that either need to be taken care of, or have been done , but done wrong.  Those are the worst....  having to go back and realize that tasks or decisions already done have to be fixed now.  

For those who don't know my story, here is the short version:

I lost my full time job of 12 years in 8/2000.  I left my live in boyfriend, of 4 years, in 11/2000, in our house with everything, but my clothes and personal items (I had kept my stuff in trash bags because I knew he was going to make me leave again, as he did it every time we fought).  

I was seeing Grace's Dad by Christmas, and I was pregnant in January of 01.  We had dated (for 8 years) previously to my dating the live in ex.  My decision to have and keep Grace pissed him off enough that we broke up, but are still friends....  

Anyway, my choice not to return to work full time caused a lot of financial drain.  First mine, then my parents.  I depleted my savings account by the time Grace turned 2.  So, I decided to apply for food stamps.  

At that time, I was taking care of my demented grandmother and my aunt was paying me.  My grandma was a horrid, wicked woman in her end.  But she certainly wasn't my Grams.  She had become that way because of her life.  That's another storyand definitely one for the books! 

She lived 3 houses down from us, and eventually moved into our house, the place of her birth, too! (How many people today are born and die, after a long life, in the same house?!)  She was with us less than a year...   

So, I received food stamps.  $270.00 a month.  After being on the rolls for a year, I applied for TANF (Temp. Assistance to Needy families).  I got $270.00 a month.  That was enough to buy diapers and food for Grace and I. 

While on TANF, I had to attend a minimum of 15 interviews a week.  15, people.  In 1 week.    Ok, so, I was on TANF for about 6 months.  (I kept receiving food stamps as they are 2 different programs)  

I was not told that if I took a part time job, I would lose everything.  I would understand a cut in the amount.  I would get not being able to receive TANF.  But not to totally stop it.  I only work 16 hours a week.  That is not enough to pay my bills, Grace's classes, and buy food.  

I am also losing medicaid.  I was told by my new caseworker (my old one is no longer working there) that I should have lost it all when I started this job.  That was new information.  Kind of scary when I'd also have to pay 100% out of pocket for medical fees....  

Grace's medicaid will continue.  Mine stops in October of 06 because I fell into a special category.  Lucky me.     Needless to say, this new information sent me reeling into the depths of mind melding panic.  I just cannot be without medical insurance.  I'm a heart attack waiting to happen...  I cannot burden my parents anymore than I already have.    

I talked to my boss about it.  She seemed to okay me working 4 days a week, instead of 2.  I need 32 hours to qualify for insurance coverage.  No problemo!  This will happen in August, I hope....     I really do not want to go look for another job.  I don't like moving from place to place.  I just make myself happy where I am :)  

I want to ask my boss about the qualifications for Lead teacher, but I am uncomfortable doing that.  I was told by one person that a degree (2 or 4 yr) in early childhood education was needed.  Another person said it was ANY degree.  Our current Lead is no longer motivated.  She doesn't get along with 2 of the 4 Assisstants.  Well, 1 really.  She is always looking for other jobs.  Why not be prepared, right?          

Other than that, life has gone by.  I can't believe Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away already....  I can't even think about Christmas yet ;)   Grace had a good Halloween.  She was a cowgirl.  And a darn tootin cute one, too  :) 

Dad brought her to my work and we went trick-or-treating in that neighborhood.  The houses are closer together than ours and there are more of them!  We walked 2 blocks and she had a bucket full!  I think we started at 6and stopped at 7.  She was exhausted, too.  Not too tired to eat some of her loot, but she went right to sleep :)  

I attended the VIVI chat.  I was in the 'Cool Room', as Omar stated repeatedly ;)  It was a good time though.  Congrats to all the nominees and winners!  And for those of us who were neither nominated , nor won... we just try harder for next year ;)  

Currently, I am watching my Colts show New England who in the hell is really boss, 27-7!  All I can say is "It is about effing time, too!"    About time the refs got it right.  About time we have a defense!  About time Peyton and the '3-headed monster' get some real recognition!  GO COLTS!  

Next Monday night game the Colts play is againt the Steelers.  I'll be real quiet then.  2 of my 3 favorite teams.... Don't like when they play each other.  The Steelers just beat the Packers (the 3rd of my 3) last Sunday....   

Now, I have to go so I can start thinking of a way I can win a VIVI next year  ;)  

Take care.....  

Cat

12 comments:

pixiedustnme said...

I'm feeling the same way right now, I want to finish my degree, but if I don't start working more hours I will continue to burden my parents, who can no longer really afford to support me like they have.  Grrr, it's a vicious circle.  

perkysgrl said...

First of all...

Damn right you were in the "Cool Room"

hahaha...

Second, gotta love Pink Floyd :)

Third...

Go back to school if you want... It will only
make life better in the end.

We'll all when VIVI's next year :D

~Jenn

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Pink Floyd is awesome!!!!
Hope u have a great week
Hugss..~Terri~

nighterror5 said...

Funny how the people who really need the benedfits get cut off but the people who don't really need it, lie about their jobs because they work under the table or sell drugs and whatnot get it and live life so happily =( Sorry to hear about it all, I know life san bring ya down sometimes =(
Cheer up sweets, it will get better -)

Love,
Theresa

P.S. Hi to Gracie =)

djzgirl71 said...

I miss you...

I love Pink Floyd......

I love "Comfortably Numb" it's my fav....

State aid sucks ass........

Health Insurance is for the birds (they have a better chance of getting it anyways)......

I demand pic of Gracie all root n toot n for Halloween......

I miss you.......

I love you more than chocolate.....

Why bother trying to win a Vivi unless you are popular...damn for that matter why bother in one catagory when you dont have to even qualify for it to win.....OMG don't get me started on the Vivi awards LOL....No I am not a sore loser...we all know I hadn't a chance in hell to win against a professional photographer with a professional camera and a professional editing program......LMAO I am a whiny loser!....

Did I mention I miss you girl.......

:0)  Stacy

visionarydiva1 said...

Yeah I would like to win one of those awards too. Anywho, i know how it is with the public "assistance" i have been on food stamps for awhile and now they are all in my business. I got a job and they said that they would cut me and then my rent would go up from $25.00 to $380.00 so my hours were cut and now they want to know how I am going to pay my bills. I am so sick of the whole thing. I am going to work to ask my boss if I can come on full time again because this is to crazy. I am sick of them in my business. Gurl keep your head up.

Amy

thelovetrain said...


Good read, Kitty... Sorry you were subjected to all of that, honey.

~Hugs, Brian @---->---

http://journals.aol.com/thelovetrain/tracks/

redbaranjj said...

When I was born, I entered this house, and I have never ever moved out...don't plan on it unless we win the lottery...or go totally broke...but I will die here too.  So you can add me to that list!  ;)
Sorry to hear about the Insurace...but I should would go for the lead teacher!  I think you would do great at that Cat!!  
I was at the chat too...but not the cool room :(  
And the Packers...PFFT!  Nuff said.  

*hugs*

stupidsheetguy said...

My take on you? Someone who sticks to it, and never gives up. You found your way through, and it will just get better for you.

Great entry


Jimmy

quartrlyfecrysis said...

oh yeah baby, did you see Peyton run that f'in ball!!!!  1st quarter I'm making some comment that he needs some running lessons, the big sexy oaf that he is ;)~ by the end of the first half I was jumping up and down pissing Chris off :)  he's just shitty about TO being a dumbass...k, he's really pissed that he bought TO's 'authentic' jersey a few weeks ago and now he's not gonna play...movin on ;)

I went thru hell with the social services stuff when I was having Pey.  I had to go on TANF and all the last few months of pregnancy cause i couldn't work, I got like 170 somthing a month and the same in food stamps.  cough<bullshit>cough.  So I had to go back to work full time 3 weeks after she was born.  Then they started cutting all my stuff off...then they took the medecaid.  When I tried to apply for ANY help, like daycare or low-cost shots and shit they gave me a hard time...I made 1,700 too much a year to get ANY help.  I was like what?!  so I have to quit a job to get some help.  I"m a single mom, working 2 and 3 jobs to stay afloat and you can't give me a free chicken pox vaccine?!  that's an f'ed up system.  grr, nah don't get me started or anything.

I'm sure everything will work out for you, and remember it can't hurt to ask what qualifications they'd ask the Lead to have...never know, maybe they're aching to have a new one ;)  SOrry to run on, it's like I haven't talked to you in a minute and now I just can't shut up :)  Good luck with it doll, at least you got some time to get it figured out~
~*XOXOXOXO*~
     ~Bernie

billandnae said...

I may just be like your Grams one day *sigh*..I'm never breaking free from this place!


I have no insurance, and of course everything is wrong with me!

I just can't get over the fact that we need to have "credentials" when it comes to working for daycare centers.  Like some 22 year old girl who took these classes knows more than a mother of three who never took any schooling???? Give me a break.  Firsthand experience, is the only thing needed...IMO.

onecrazymomto5 said...

OK big bummer about the benefits!  Boy do I know that feeling.  Why is it that the people that don't really need it find a way to lie and get it and those of us that really need them can't get them because we tell the truth?  That's what ticks me off!  AARRGGHH!!  Yes the VIVI's were fun!  Good luck for next year!!
Colleen