Comfortably numb...

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, now.
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts,
Can you show me where it hurts?

Kitty's been on a Pink Floyd kick lately. 

Sometimes, you just have to go there and take yourself into consideration, reflect on those daunting deeds that either need to be taken care of, or have been done , but done wrong.  Those are the worst....  having to go back and realize that tasks or decisions already done have to be fixed now.  

For those who don't know my story, here is the short version:

I lost my full time job of 12 years in 8/2000.  I left my live in boyfriend, of 4 years, in 11/2000, in our house with everything, but my clothes and personal items (I had kept my stuff in trash bags because I knew he was going to make me leave again, as he did it every time we fought).  

I was seeing Grace's Dad by Christmas, and I was pregnant in January of 01.  We had dated (for 8 years) previously to my dating the live in ex.  My decision to have and keep Grace pissed him off enough that we broke up, but are still friends....  

Anyway, my choice not to return to work full time caused a lot of financial drain.  First mine, then my parents.  I depleted my savings account by the time Grace turned 2.  So, I decided to apply for food stamps.  

At that time, I was taking care of my demented grandmother and my aunt was paying me.  My grandma was a horrid, wicked woman in her end.  But she certainly wasn't my Grams.  She had become that way because of her life.  That's another storyand definitely one for the books! 

She lived 3 houses down from us, and eventually moved into our house, the place of her birth, too! (How many people today are born and die, after a long life, in the same house?!)  She was with us less than a year...   

So, I received food stamps.  $270.00 a month.  After being on the rolls for a year, I applied for TANF (Temp. Assistance to Needy families).  I got $270.00 a month.  That was enough to buy diapers and food for Grace and I. 

While on TANF, I had to attend a minimum of 15 interviews a week.  15, people.  In 1 week.    Ok, so, I was on TANF for about 6 months.  (I kept receiving food stamps as they are 2 different programs)  

I was not told that if I took a part time job, I would lose everything.  I would understand a cut in the amount.  I would get not being able to receive TANF.  But not to totally stop it.  I only work 16 hours a week.  That is not enough to pay my bills, Grace's classes, and buy food.  

I am also losing medicaid.  I was told by my new caseworker (my old one is no longer working there) that I should have lost it all when I started this job.  That was new information.  Kind of scary when I'd also have to pay 100% out of pocket for medical fees....  

Grace's medicaid will continue.  Mine stops in October of 06 because I fell into a special category.  Lucky me.     Needless to say, this new information sent me reeling into the depths of mind melding panic.  I just cannot be without medical insurance.  I'm a heart attack waiting to happen...  I cannot burden my parents anymore than I already have.    

I talked to my boss about it.  She seemed to okay me working 4 days a week, instead of 2.  I need 32 hours to qualify for insurance coverage.  No problemo!  This will happen in August, I hope....     I really do not want to go look for another job.  I don't like moving from place to place.  I just make myself happy where I am :)  

I want to ask my boss about the qualifications for Lead teacher, but I am uncomfortable doing that.  I was told by one person that a degree (2 or 4 yr) in early childhood education was needed.  Another person said it was ANY degree.  Our current Lead is no longer motivated.  She doesn't get along with 2 of the 4 Assisstants.  Well, 1 really.  She is always looking for other jobs.  Why not be prepared, right?          

Other than that, life has gone by.  I can't believe Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away already....  I can't even think about Christmas yet ;)   Grace had a good Halloween.  She was a cowgirl.  And a darn tootin cute one, too  :) 

Dad brought her to my work and we went trick-or-treating in that neighborhood.  The houses are closer together than ours and there are more of them!  We walked 2 blocks and she had a bucket full!  I think we started at 6and stopped at 7.  She was exhausted, too.  Not too tired to eat some of her loot, but she went right to sleep :)  

I attended the VIVI chat.  I was in the 'Cool Room', as Omar stated repeatedly ;)  It was a good time though.  Congrats to all the nominees and winners!  And for those of us who were neither nominated , nor won... we just try harder for next year ;)  

Currently, I am watching my Colts show New England who in the hell is really boss, 27-7!  All I can say is "It is about effing time, too!"    About time the refs got it right.  About time we have a defense!  About time Peyton and the '3-headed monster' get some real recognition!  GO COLTS!  

Next Monday night game the Colts play is againt the Steelers.  I'll be real quiet then.  2 of my 3 favorite teams.... Don't like when they play each other.  The Steelers just beat the Packers (the 3rd of my 3) last Sunday....   

Now, I have to go so I can start thinking of a way I can win a VIVI next year  ;)  

Take care.....  

Cat