A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in here drawing welfare month after month. I'd really much rather have a job".
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur-bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."
During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students:
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent
family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her? "
Mike replies: Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss.
The teacher says: That would be very rude and improper on your part.
Charlie replied: I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a
The teacher says: That's much better but to mention the word "toilet" during a meal, is unpleasant.
And Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "
The teacher passed out.