Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Play it again, Sam......

Hello All~~  

I really miss being here, reading your journals, writing some, and chatting with my buds.....  

Went to four other places today to put in more apps-- something will work out, even if I have to work late evening (I simply refuse to work nights...nope, no way, not gonna happen).  But I'm giving in to the working evenings idea-though not my first choice.  

I would prefer to work days now that I have Grace.  I have usually worked evening shift--at the hospital, that meant less work (patient care-wise~no therapies, more visitors who'd take care of said patient while visiting, only one meal, etc), less hectic, and my most favorite part of all----LESS BOSSES :)  

Of course, I have done my time on day shift.  For a year or so at the hospital, while I was between college careers (I changed majors 3 times after taking a few years in each  Then, after I finally graduated with my (non) coveted Accounting degree, I got a 'real job' at United States Auto Club (USAC).   

For those of you who just went  'huh?', USAC sanctions open-wheeled races like midgets, sprint cars, and silver crown cars. 

Some very famous drivers have traveled through the Club such as Jeff Gordon, Tony Stewart, Ryan Newman, The Foyts, The Unsers and more.  Stewart and Newman were running with USAC while I was employed with them.  Stewart was (he's toning it down a little) a total ass then, cocky as all get out.  Newman is still the same sweet, funny guy he was then :::ahhhh, to dream:::  

There are only 10 employees, it was a sweet job--12 (yes, 12!) paid holidays, 3 weeks vacationtime, 1 week sick time, paid medical, dental, and optical, M-F, 9-5--and I was in charge of payables and receivables, entering race points, reconciliations (which I completely sucked at), with the occasional shot at payroll.  It was brown sugar- inside -caramel- inside -chocolate- with honey- and whipped cream on top- sweet.  Big mistake leaving that job, but that's another entry someday.  

Anyway, to the point of this-with Grace's 45 minute dance class on Wednesday, and 2 hours of school on Tues and Thurs., plus nap time--she's busy during the day.  I'd much rather be gone then, so I can be here with her at night.  I love putting her to bed still~though she doesn't like to rock very long anymore  :::sigh:::  I love the alone time we get then-we are never alone unless we're out of the house. 

My Dad is always here, in his chair downstairs, dictating things to be done and that are being done wrong.   We got into it today, to the point he told me I had 30 days to get out.  This is what happened-- I had 'Kitty' (brother's cat) inside my fleece vest-hey, she likes it in there.  Grace (who has been warned Lord knows how many times to be nice to the kitty) starts pushing down on the cat's head hard-the cat was clawing me.  So I bopped, smacked, however you want to visualize it, Grace on the head and told her to stop it (again).   

She, being the drama queen she is when her Poppy is in his throne (no, not the toilet either) looks at me and smiles before opening up the water works in an all out effort to have Poppy yell at me.  Uh, do I have to tell you it worked?!  Dad starts yelling at me 'What did you do that for?'  'Don't you ever smack her in the face!'   I said 'I didn't smack her in the face, I smacked her on her head.'  'She knows better than to be mean to the cat.'    

Well, it got into an all out battle overwho exactly is the parent of this child.  With me saying she's mine and I'll do what I think is necessary to get through to Grace.  And him saying that I am the problem here, that I cause all the hostility in this house.  It couldn't possibly be him.  No way.   

My Dad moves from his chair to go to the bathroom, go to whichever Dr. appt, or run out to friends or errands maybe once a week.  Its like being watched all the time!  It sucks.  I love both my parents and appreciate all they continue to do for me, but living here is harder than it would be living on my own with Grace.   

There are too many adults here and we all cancel each other out where she is concerned.  And Grace takes after her mother in being a master manipulator (a trait I buried in my mid 20s), so she works it, people.  I'm waiting for the day when she fakes the fall and everything, like football and basketball players do--pretending injury.   

My brother and I have talked about us moving in with him, but that's a ways off yet. (His job is going well, so far :)  One day, when Grace is in school full time-I'll get a career job and she and I can have a more normal life.  Til then, Dad and I said our apologies and explained each other's points-and have conceded this round.   

He is kind of right that I have been in a mood lately.  True enough, I'm getting pretty discouraged as more days go by without hearing anything, but I have things to fall back on if I have to--just didn't want to go there quite yet.  So, I didn't think I was that bad..but maybe I am being mean lately.  

I think its just because I miss my J~land friends!  More foot work tomorrow...  



sieblonde said...

It's tough, I know.  But hang in there girl, you'll make it.  ~Sie

valphish said...

Wow, living with parents is very hard when you are an adult.  I have had to do it a couple of times.  It is even harder when you have to bring your kids along.  You are in my prayers, honey.  I just know the right job is around the corner.

thelovetrain said...

"Having 'your' way, is living alone."

...Can't truly realize it with parents or, siblings or, a companion or, a friend. Then again, there's drawbacks & advantages to, almost everything. One simply has to decide what they want and what they're willing to sacrifice to have it.

'Race job' reads cool, Cat.

~Philosophying again, 'B'

redbaranjj said...

I am so sorry Cat...((((hugs))) will be in my thoughts and prayers that things will begin to look up for you.

st0rmwhispers said...

Cat don't feel so bad...she is your child and blasted all my kids have tried that stuff on me...the little runts!  Poppy should let you be Mommy.  Still ya have to take the good with the bad.  I tried living with my folks once when I left my first husband....It didn't work out at all.....

:::sending good energy your way::::

vernae69 said...

LOL.  Dad's are somethin aren't they?  My Dad works 3am to 2 pm, fishes until 5, comes home, eats, watches t.v., eats, then is in bed by 7!  All my Mom does is complain that she doesn't see him enough!  Personally, I could do without seeing my Mother all day, she brings me down, my Dad makes me laugh!  2nd shift is so hard, I did it for a year, I never saw Bill, so if I were you I'd work first shift if possible!  GOOD LUCK AGAIN!!!

groovynoodles said...

Hey Cat!

Ya know, when Goth Daughter was born, I was a totally single mom.  (Her father skipped town when I told him I was pregnant.)  We lived with my mom until Goth Daughter was about 3-1/2 (about Grace's age).  It was HARD!!  I totally appreciated that my mom babysat her while I worked.  But, she charged me for it.  And didn't exactly cut me any breaks either.  So I felt that while she was essentially in my employ, that I kinda got to ask her to do what I felt was best for Goth.  No go.  She was gonna do what she wanted, when she wanted to do it, regardless of what I felt was right.  I had to move out of that house and get her into daycare just to salvage my relationship with my mother.

Hang in there.  You'll get a job and things will fall into place when they're damn good and ready to.  :)

In the meantime, if you ever wanna vent, I've been there and done it, so please email if you want a sympathetic ear.  :)

{{{{{huge hugs}}}}}

swebb1989 said...

I know that you will find something that will fit in your schedule soon. Nothing is worth working a job that you don't like believe me I know that routine all too much. Good luck hunting.  

sarajanesmiles said...

Hi Cat, thought I'd come visit your journal, have a read and thank you for your comments in mine :o)
That must be tough, living at home with your parents, and trying to parent your daughter yourself - by the way, I love her name, that's real pretty.
Kids do become expert at that playing adults off against each other thing at an early age don't they.  Who teaches them that, or is it something they're just born knowing!!!  Best of luck on the job hunt, have fingers crossed for you.
Sara   x