Saturday, February 5, 2005

Monotonous Mountains...

I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the hell my problem is.  I've got it made.  What am I missing?  Nothing seems to bring any pleasure anymore....  Am I fighting so hard to move, I'm not going anywhere?   

What do I want differently?  Do I really believe things are not going to be as they are, wherever I go?  Surroundings may be new, people I meet may be interesting... but it all ends up the same--in the end...  Maybe I'm bored, finally....  

I have love interests... I hold them back.  The mere thought of another relationship right now sickens me.  I never have been one to 'dream of my wedding day'.  I always found it to be a big hassle.   As a matter of fact, I have surrounded myself with friends in life who are single....  My brother, included and he's hot!   

Gracie is at an age where its hard for me to enjoy her presence, too.  Is that terrible to say openly?  I don't believe for a minute that I'm the only one who has felt this.  It doesn't take away from the fact she's my daughter, I love her.... and I like her when she's sleeping :)  Oh...stop!    

So, what is this feeling?  Like something's missing, but I don't have a clue.  I thought getting a job and out of the house would take care of it.  It hasn't.  It isn't.  Nothing is clear anymore.... like I'm lost...  

Drowning in a life I didn't exactly want, but designed for myself. The same thing, day after day... an almost vicious cycle.... monotony kills, you know? 

Well, it does me, anyway...   

Cat

5 comments:

djzgirl71 said...

I think you are just missing me!!!  LMAO!  We don't IM anymore.  That must be the missing link girl!!!!  I miss you and keep your chin up!

Love and more Love,

Stacy

vernae69 said...

Hmmm,  I have no idea what that feels like....HA!  Kinda sounds like a familiar situation....just can't put my finger on it ;)

GO EAGLES!

Vernae <--------Brat :)~

redbaranjj said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean.  The monotony is the worst!  If you find the answer...let me know...I have been looking for something for years now.
Hang in there...your in my thoughts.
*hugs*

quartrlyfecrysis said...

Um, yup...I know what you mean.  It's like I had this life that I wanted and then the real world got in the way.  And about Gracey, I've felt similar...I feel like, is this it?!  I've thought of what would be different if I hadn't taken this road, but would I be happy then?  I wish I knew what we were searching for, if I find it I'll send you a brochure ;)

GO EAGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxo~Bernadette

thelovetrain said...

My beloved lady, it'll change unless you 'pass'. I guarantee you, something will happen again, one day. Your feelings will revive, you'll regain a sense of direction and purpose, and you'll say (very loudly) to yourself...

[:O] -- WHERE'S MY PRECIOUS FUCKING MONOTONY!!! -- [:\]

That's another one of those joke-things. There's nothing like powerful emotions, to me. I crave them, I need them, I run on them, I exist through them. I'm addicted and I have to get my periodic fix, one way or the other, just to remind myself that I'm alive and can still feel something.

My environment will never be 'monotonous' for too long, and I doubt that 'yours' will be either. It's written in your vibrant stars. [:)]

I adore you honey, Brian  @--->----

http://journals.aol.com/thelovetrain/tracks/

http://journals.aol.com/thelovetrain/Drift/