Saturday, January 8, 2005

Taking a break.....

Well, it is Saturday and I think I've sat here continuously for 36 hours--or at least that is what it feels like....  

After spending damn near all my time the last few days downloading music for Gracie's dad  (Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out how I got roped into this...didn't I tell him no?!).  Now I get the joy debugging my system and trying to figure out what the heck happened to my Windows Media Player.....  

I found all the songs he was looking for except 2, and I still need to download the rest of them today (I did tell him no, I swear I did  :)   Oh well, this is business-so I feel obligated, make that 'am' obligated.....  

He's now learning, after hosting several types of functions without my services, how much I actually did for him--keeping him prepared (invitation albums, music lists), in current music (he's the DJ, too), and made his business look good (his words, not mine), and got all the little things out of his way so he could concentrate on what he needed for his part.   

I never thought I needed to hear that I am appreciated, I know and am satisfied by looks on people's faces, or written words.  But I'll tell you guys, when the first words out of his mouth (after hello) are "I just never knew how much you really did"..... well, my no's become more  "So, what's the problem?"  But, in my book, that's what is supposed to happen.  

Now you know why 'No' isn't something I say often, unless you're a 3-year-old named Grace asking for siblings......   

I even have him emailing me things now...  you have no idea what trying to get things to sink into his head is like.  He has to really think about them before they make sense-- I know from experience he has learning disorders, but never tested and diagnosed.  So, I still have to repeat the steps right now, but at least he tries.   

Think that's my biggest turn on in a man (anybody really)--Someone who tries :)  

Besides, after working together for 15 years, it's hard to get it out of one's system.  I still want to help and he still needs me to, probably will be that way forever.   

I have had a couple guys walk away from me because I won't walk away from him.  They could accept him being my daughter's dad, but not us working together.  No big loss--it let me know they didn't trust me off the bat, easy to leave people who can't trust me and vice versa.   

I value loyalty more than love in this life.  People play with love all the time.  Loyalty is there or not, and can't be simply changed.  

He'll turn 50 next month and when he was in school, kids like him were just passed grade to grade.  He says being black didn't help; I think a lot of kids got handled that way.  Both his parents worked full time, he says they never taught him or helped with homework, they just provided for him--food, shelter, clothing.  I believe many people still get that type of home life today.   Sad, but true...  

So, guess I just took my break.  One of these days, he'll get this thing off the ground and then I'll get a salary  :)     

(oh, he does, at least, pay me to do his taxes~easy money)  

Getting my back into it......  

Cat                

6 comments:

pixiedustnme said...

I have a history of attracting (or being attracted to? maybe both) men who don't trust me.  It has taken me a long time to realize that (not to mention 2 marriages).  I am lucky to have found somebody I trust, and who trusts me.  Not sure it will ever "go anywhere" both of us are pretty jaded.  But it's amazing what a difference the trust makes.  I'm glad you have perspective on where you are at in your life :-)  Thanx for being able to put it in words.

thelovetrain said...

I'd do the same for my exs and enjoy being able to communicate with them on occasion. Each one held the position of 'my best friend' for a time and they're all still dearest friends, in my heart.

I'd never desert their friendships to appease an insecure woman. I don't think that I should be expected to either... "Friends until the end",  in my book.

~Brian

http://journals.aol.com/thelovetrain/Drift/

http://journals.aol.com/thelovetrain/tracks/

http://journals.aol.com/imagetrain/photos/

http://groups.aol.com/romanceconection/

sarajanesmiles said...

My Dad stayed really good friends with his last ex - the mother of my younger brother - and that made things so much easier, and nicer for my brother.  Now, some 12 years later they are still friends, despite the fact that they are both happily married to other people.  
My son has learning difficulties, things are alot better these days with schooling, shame it wasn't like this years ago.  
Sara   x

vernae69 said...

You are just too good of a person Cat, no need to explain what you do to any man, if they walk away it's because they aren't good enough for u!  He's probably a better person today because of you, just remember that.

st0rmwhispers said...

you're doing the right thing Cat...i only wish more people would do what's right for the kids...i wish i could be civil with my x's...but that is another story

quartrlyfecrysis said...

It is sad that a lot of parents just provide the basics and let the kids find the other stuff elsewhere...so sad.  Chris was raised similarly, his mom worked her butt off to pay for stuff, but never taught him anything.  The man doesn't know a moral from a mural.  The good part of it, I think, is that he kind of clings to me for that.  Now he's found a woman that WANTS to give him that time.
Have I mentioned that I love that song you've got playing?!  cause I do ;)

xoxo~B