Maybe it IS fate...dilemma, con't

         Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, September 15:
Say what you have to say. Back up your beliefs. Trust in your principles. Whew! It sounds grim, but the results will be worth it. You have to be willing to fight for what's right.

This is mine.  I love it when I get "signs" like that.  I most always trust my gut, that little voice, and the guy on my right shoulder wearing white and a halo.  

On to business, Wayne and I know that there is not much he can do for Grace as far as most aspects of her life go with the exception of her being black (face it, she will be viewed by most of the country that way and I don't have a problem with her identity, also neither Wayne nor I say African-American..our opinion, if you're born here, you are American..period). 

Wayne has a printing service and is a DJ, works as an electrician apprentice, and part-time at FedEx, so he is a busy man.  When I met him 15 years ago (we both worked at a hospital together), he was doing all his printing by cut and paste method so I converted it all onto digital media...the rest is history.  Wayne is a very slow learner and if he doesn't do things consistently, he forgets.  Well, I am the polar opposite except for maybe passwords..I always forget mine if I don't go very often.  I have a kind of photographic memory, especially with numbers, I can remember programs I haven't used for long periods of time, etc.  Anyway, I was the one to do all the research for his Theme buttons and such, he would take care of design, but with my input. 

We also agree that I know more about Black History than he does.  Again, I'll be the one responsible for making sure she knows it and the truth of it from beginning with slaves in Europe until present day.  I should mention that although Wayne is a black man, he does not agree with many of the choices he should just because he's black.  He agrees with affirmitive action because people should get jobs based on qualifications; with racial profiling because if it helps get the job done, then do it; and with the style of pants that hang precariously off their butts.  His message, I'm the messenger.

But, I know she'll need to know him for balance.  He does have great ideas and common sense she'll need from him.  Gracie has picked up most all of my personality traits as far as being outgoing, quick to learn, and pretty downright bold. 

I just don't know how to deal with being around him, but not with him.  It is a bitter pill to know that he tells me to this day, the only reason he isn't with me is my weight, that he will never find anyone better than me, but he knows he wouldn't be happy.  It is the truth, he wouldn't be.  He'd be the wolf in the trap chewing off his leg.  Wayne doesn't want to cheat on his wife, and if she doesn't make his eyes happy, he will.  He is honest.  And yes, as women, we say "Damn, that's harsh!"  But men are visual creatures, women are emotional.  That is why there is not a line outside my door as I write this.  Sans my weight, I'm the perfect package.  I have great guy friends, but I know why they don't come on to me.  When I weighed less, I got more attention.  Facts are facts.

Besides, my head is a bunch of mixed adjectives right now to get into a relationship.  The hardest thing is in losing Wayne- I lost my best friend, my confidant, and conversationalist.  I can find a lover, but I'm not looking for sex. 

Oh well, fate told me I'm on the right path.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Til next time...